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How to Cope with Betrayal

Betrayal is definitely something we all deal with, or have dealt with, in varying degrees.

Since I’m not one sided, I included advice for both sides of the coin in today’s video. 

How to cope with betrayal for the person feeling betrayed, and the person that acted in a form that loses trust (to some degree).

I share:

  • all the ways we can betray (among those an emotional affair, gossiping, exposing secrets, etc)
  • what each person feels, thinks and hopes will happen after the betrayal
  • the 3 specific ways to successfully cope with betrayal and survive infidelity (together or apart) and where you can learn more
  • a little tip for those that are betraying their partner and their partner doesn’t know yet, how to approach them in a way that is more likely to get a pardon
  • finally, a pep talk to those that have been betrayed, especially recently (if this is you, you NEED to hear this!)

 

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/3a2_JHTEqVM” embed_style=”default”]
Leave me comment below on your personal experience with betrayal. Do you relate with any of the scenarios I shared? Would you forgive your partner if you found them unfaithful?

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5 Ways We Inadvertently Ruin Our Relationship

I recently asked my husband what stressed him on a regular basis when our marriage was in bad shape almost 10 years ago.

He said the regular arguments, not being able to get his point across, and not being able to find a solution.

Then I asked him, what did he avoid facing because it would trigger too much fear?

He said his own contribution.

It’s not easy to see how we’ve contributed to the problem.

It’s much easier when someone else, like a professional, or someone’s opinion we respect, points it out to us. We do not want to hear it from the person we’re hurting—obviously!

It helped our relationship to know EXACTLY:
-what can damage it
-what can nurture it

Just so you know, anger (not the outbursts) and arguments do not END a relationship.

This was a relief for me.

But there are few things to avoid to make arguing much more healthy, respectful and make you feel on the same team.

In this video I share the 5 methods of arguing you must avoid at all costs to really get somewhere (get your point across and find a solution).

 

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/lkM2SmUQ_LM” embed_style=”default”]

 

A CHALLENGE FOR YOU:
After you watch it, share it with your partner and talk about it. What do you think about it and do you agree?

Have a conversation about how you would like to improve the way you argue. Just focus on 1 specific thing.

 

More information:

 

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/625t8Rr9o6o” embed_style=”default”]

 

 

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Why “living in the present” is overrated—here’s scientific proof

I am a strong believer in living in the present. I don’t say it enough.

Life is too darn short!

For this reason, I also encourage you to take breaks from living in the present.

Today’s fun video gives you a bit of the reason why it’s not healthy to always live in the present moment.

 

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/bI-abAPo4Cc” embed_style=”default”]

 

Tweet: “Simultaneously live in the present moment AND aim for a higher purpose.” —@lucindaloveland

After you watch this video I want you to reach towards a meaningful goal. Meaningful for you!

This involves thinking about your future. Investing for your future. Sacrificing for your future.

Why?

Because life is just too darn short!

We don’t want to lead meaningless lives. For this reason we must embrace our present moment AND aim for a higher purpose.

There’s a lot I can say on this, but I want to just focus on the main points.

We find meaning when we appreciate and embrace our current moment AND when we know we are useful, important and have a calling.

What is your calling? What is your passion?

What gifts do you want to give your Future Self?

Take the baby steps today.

  • If it’s losing some pounds, start by reducing some sugar and taking more walks.
  • If it’s restoring your romantic relationship, start by expressing appreciation for the little things (no matter how small, start somewhere).
  • If it’s doing work you are truly passionate about, research what that exactly looks like for you if you are not already in the field and start volunteering in the field to learn the ropes.
  • If it’s about being a better parent, nothing better than educating yourself on how exactly you want to be as a parent and finding a group of like-minded parents so you can support one another.

Start small and think big! Enjoy today and be hopeful for tomorrow!

 

To learn more about the Marshmallow Study, go here.

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The Best Way to Vent Anger, Hands Down

Spring is looking really beautiful in England. The changing of the seasons is all new to me. Being from SoCal, I appreciate the breeze, the fog, the rain, the mist, the snowflakes, and now even more…sunny days.

It’s the changes of life that come and allow us to embrace what hasn’t changed.

For instance, when we come head to head in a disagreement, or didn’t get what we wished for. Sometimes, we will have “one of those day” when things don’t seem to go our way, and we feel challenged. We may even lose our patience.

These days happen to us all. We are human, and wonderfully different, complex, and valuable.

It’s reassuring to know that we are not alone and that we all share feelings (of happiness, loneliness, anger, sadness)—but for different reasons, that’s what makes us unique. Like the many flowers that bloom for different reasons (such as climate).

But since we all experience anger (at different levels and for different reasons, no doubt), there is one sure-way that will restore your sanity after being angered.

Today’s episode is to clear up any misunderstandings of catharsis, or what you might have thought that works.

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/49s5rwo0C-E” embed_style=”default”]

 

 

If this blew your mind (like it did mine) and know someone that would appreciate watching this, please share the knowledge.

I’d like to know what has worked for you in the past and I’d love to know your experience trying this in action!
IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY STUDY’S FULL ARTICLE (BY BRAD BUSHMAN): https://www.mtholyoke.edu/courses/jbickfor/bushman2002.pdf

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The Secret to Passion in Long-Term Relationships

Have you noticed those couples that have been together for a long time and look like they are still dating?

What is their secret?

In this video episode I take you to the “heart of Italy,” Tuscany, to talk about pleasure and long-lasting romance.

 

[video_embed url=”http://youtu.be/NfNmqAB9X_Q” embed_style=”default”]

 

It’s very windy at the top of a hill town near Sienna, fading the audio of my voice and replacing it with the sound of wind, so you will find more about what I said about the porcupines below.

If you like the video, share it among your friends, and most importantly, with your other half. : )
PORCUPINES MATING SIGNIFICANCE (Difficult to hear part of the video):
The male faces a difficult dilemma compared to human males for mating. If he mounts the female he may hurt himself with the quills. He goes through several steps, such as nose and face rubbing for a very long time, to seduce her and “relax” her so she can bring down her quills.

The face rubbing is the same need we have for emotional connection. Jumping right in without being connected, can deteriorate or stale a marriage. Making love, maybe less often and less exciting. The quills can be painful for a porcupine, just as separation or divorce can be painful for us.

Take this analogy and apply it in your relationship. Providing time and the simple tips I gave in the video will not only enrich your relationship, but satisfy you and your partner, just as if you were still on your honeymoon.

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Let’s talk about ANGER.

I want to talk about anger. Our friend and foe.

Anger can be our friend to fire us and ignite us to act. However, it can be our foe when our actions are out of control.

How do we channel that anger? How do we keep it under control? How do we manage it?

Today’s video will have my husband’s voice, Alfred Loveland, instead of mine (I didn’t feel well, and have lost my voice. Not a good combination when running a vlog).

[video_embed url=”https://youtu.be/AngObn5CIxA” embed_style=”default”]

Anger isn’t a quick fix, if it’s something we’ve had a problem with for many years. That is why, we cover it extensively in FINEST Self, (enrollment opens next week).

Anger can take time, and fortunately, once you enroll in FINEST Self, you will have access to it for as long as it is in existence. I will update the information, as research unfolds, every year. So something like anger, that can’t be fixed quickly, but more over time, is easier to handle when you have support and tools throughout the entire process, which you will have in FINEST Self. This isn’t a blog, a one-time class, but a long-term support.

“Life is not a solo act. It’s a huge collaboration, and we all need to assemble around us the people who care about us and support us in times of strife.”
~Tim Gunn

Thanks for always watching! I do this for you!

As an appreciation, I will hold a giveaway next month.
So if you don’t already receive our email, go ahead and sign up so hear more details.

With warm appreciation,
Lucinda

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Are you in love? How long will that last?

Did you know there are different types of love? 

Not only different types, but also different stages that a romantic relationship naturally goes through.

Why is this important to know?

Have you heard people say:
  • The magic has died.
  • She/he has changed.
  • It’s not the same anymore.
Today’s video asks the big question: Does love last?

I found this information to be extremely helpful over 10 years ago when this natural shift began in my relationship. I was so relieved to hear how common it really is.

 

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Share this video with your friends and family! You may be surprised how few people really know about love.
If you’re a therapist/counselor, you can share the video with your clients and follow-up with them in your next session.

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What if I’m not ready to forgive?

It took me a while to find compassion and forgiveness in my heart. It was difficult because I jumped from one extreme, being too forgiving, to another extreme, being too self-righteous.

I had to learn about forgiveness and I thought that so many of us have a trouble knowing what IS and ISN’T forgiveness, that I made a short video about it to answer many of the common questions we face when it comes to forgiveness:

  • What if I’m not ready to forgive?
  • Does this mean reconciliation?
  • If I forgive, won’t the person just do it again? How can I make sure that doesn’t happen?
  • What if I just want them to know the pain I feel/felt?
  • How much time do I have to really forgive?

 

On the other hand:

  • I want to be forgiven, how can I show that I am sincerely sorry?

 

[video_embed url=”http://youtu.be/gNEPbhh9Ziw” embed_style=”default”]

 

Let this video jump start you in the right direction. If you love the video, share it with your friends. You would be helping others navigate something so difficult, yet so pervasive.

 

If you want to learn more about the step-by-step process of Forgiveness, FINEST-Self is open for enrollment!